My M.O. seems to be reverse mode

I seem to be the type of person who needs to know the solution to cope. Knowing how big a deal something is or the big picture is crucial to me functioning with everything that is on my plate. My job is supposedly to relax and get prepared to heal. Last night was the first full night sleep in a while, too.

The coming few weeks are going to involve a lot of consultations with different doctors, and the guidance for my treatment plan will come from ones who are not local. I will need to speak with both a medical oncologist and a radiation oncologist. I can only hope that the magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) test I had yesterday will be helpful to these doctors as well.

BC Cancer gave me the appointment details, and hopefully the appointments don’t switch because I’ve taken that carpe diem attitude/approach.

I’m not very patient right now. I want all the answers up front. That helps me handle the pain of going through this experience. There’s a lot of emotional wounds I’m working on at the same time as needing the doctors to work their magic too. I have to believe in magic to handle the unknowns, also a God to pray to.

Yesterday, the technicians who ran the MRI test were wonderful. They may have been prepped for a challenge with me, but even so – they handled it so well. The IV was set up in one go. I was given warm blankets to keep my blood circulating. I’m hoping my body did take the dye despite my poor circulation, and the results of the test are readable.

I think the test took longer than it generally does. My myriad of health problems always do. That is one reason I’m always early for everything. I have to prep myself for decision making.

A lot of really old memories have popped up in my mind. Doing puzzles with my dad as a wee lass. Concocting make believe potions in his wheel barrow with sticks and twigs and grass. These are happy memories, but I don’t like puzzles now. All I could probably handle on my own is a puzzle for a 3 year old. And I also don’t want to comfort myself with memories of my long lost relatives – I’d like the chance to make new memories.

Week by week is how I’ve got to take this challenge. My posting will be inconsistent – weekly is best I can handle to actually tell any story.