the futility the opt out strategy

I think the healthiest strategy to fight the rising cost of living is to fight the self and its wants and needs. When inflation happens, wages never keep up and the companies never drop prices back down despite the restoration of economies of scale. The only answer is to consume less. Grow what you can, chase sustainably sourced options. Especially if you see any waste occurring in your household.

This limiting food spend directly counters my die with nothing strategy. I guess I ought to wait to find out what my prognosis is before I go all in on that spending behaviour. I haven’t scrimped on good ingredients and healthy meats. Still, at the moment when it comes to feeding myself, I’m filled with cognitive dissonance. The cancer diet is too clean, it’s difficult to keep weight on eating this way for me, I weigh less than 70 kg now.

Yesterday started out good and ended on a sad note. I started my day bra shopping for a bra that goes with a new dress. I found 3 options and bought them all. Vanity sizing reigns supreme in the European products too. I don’t like this and I don’t trust it much, but oh well, so long as it fits who cares about the size on the label. I just want to look good when I’m in public this summer.

Then I went home and had lunch and then I went to get a mani/pedi done in the color Jordan. A beige color that looks pretty plain as I stare at it now. I want for more creativity, but at the time I was just happy to have the therapy of some girly time. I get sad that I have to pay for that, but I fear that will not change anytime soon. People my age are too busy with their families. My long lost friends are still trading on cool, not coming any time soon.

I know that I’ll go many places this summer, because BC is beautiful. I’m going to force myself to go explore. Get out places that have nice views. There’s a lot to do outdoors and I’ve got new hammocks for that, whenever I have enough energy I’m getting into nature for some fresh air and grounding with the earth.

My current prescriptions have taken me down a notch, which means they’re doing what they are meant to. I’m not as anxious. I’m sleepier, it’s a little easier to relax. Impossible to engage with things, and I’ve discovered how picky I am about everything. I feel like I’ve outgrown most of what I used to enjoy. It’s not just food. It’s music, I only want to hear what I like. It’s movies and television and podcasts, I can’t get into any of them.

I’ve sort of lost the point of writing about this experience. I fear there is nothing uplifting I can say. You will get through it better with loved ones, that’s all I know for sure. Next post will be after my medical oncology appointment because at least then I’ll have something to say.