manifesting trust when they say they’re working on it

I am apparently on the surgeon’s radar and he wants to fit me into an or slot this week. That’s what his receptionist has assured me, so now I just have to wait for the call. That means I have to stay in cell reception, and limits me from doing much of the outdoorsy stuff that I could.

The nurse for the oncologist I saw, said even if it is melanoma, which it likely is, it is still likely to be considered primary, and the treatment plan will remain similar to what was initially discussed.

I’m working on manifesting trust in the system, even though it feels like radio silence and like I haven’t made progress. My work will be sending me the paperwork that needs to be filled to file for long-term disability at the end of the month. The slow progress does make me doubt that all will be resolved by September 5th.

I have to find some enthusiasm for something else to keep me working, moving forward, thinking about the future. This is going to be the lowest income year I will have had in 4 years, so as much as I want to plan a trip – I”m dependent on doctors fitting me in and I’m forced to wait for their schedule and keeping my own open will facilitate that happening more quickly.

I have a background in marketing and technical communications, so my goal is to use and grow in those skills even though i’m off work. I’d like to work in association with tourism businesses, because I’d like to do as much as possible in my free time to enjoy the summer.

I grabbed a free Tourism Trail pamphlet, but was sad to only see a list of local businesses inside. There wasn’t anything I hadn’t heard of before. It was mostly a list of restaurants; there were not many activities. You have to get out of the city to really enjoy nature in this area. Some things I’d like to find out about include river rafting & horseback riding. These are bucket list activities I’ve never done before.

So while last weekend I hit up Ainsworth Hotsprings for a good ol’ novel walk through caves filled with hot water, it is a place I’ve been a dozen times. I want to maximize things I haven’t done before for the rest of the summer.

As soon as I get that surgery into my schedule, I can make plans around it. Hopefully this next weekend, I’ll be in recovery, but July 20th will bring something meaningful. Something to write about that is happy and purposeful. Some time I don’t have to worry about whether I’ll live or die. Some time that I’m actually living.